I’ve always believed that whatever happens to you, will either make you, or break you. For me, given that I’m here, writing this article, it’s definitely the former.
Growing up, like many people, I didn’t have the easiest childhood. I left my Dad at 7 and moved to a new area. That’s when the bullying started. I already felt pretty vulnerable so hearing comments at my new school about my looks was a real knock to my confidence. I was picked on for my ‘big nose,’ I was called a shrew, it was never ending. I was called a werewolf because of my hairy arms and it got so bad at one point that I shaved them off. The harder I tried to fit in, the worse it got. Now, looking back, I’ve realised that the more you try to be something, or someone you’re not, the more difficult it is to maintain relationships. That mindset is something that I apply every day in business.
However, as my businesses have grown, so has the trolling. I’ve had health issues since 2010, when I was diagnosed with a thyroid condition. I went from a size 10, to a size 18, which was something I found really difficult at the time. It really played on my insecurities. It took me a while to feel good about myself again. So when I was told that I looked fat in my personal brand shoot photographs (which I was really proud of), that just emphasised my insecurities.
I could have hidden away and never done another photo shoot. I could have just used my logo and my designs, to share a ‘perfect life’ on my social media channels. But that’s not me. I believe in honesty and authenticity. So I hit back. I shared a post showing off who I am. It wasn’t an image I liked when I first saw it. If anything, it highlighted all those flaws. But you know what, it’s me. I realised that everything doesn’t have to be perfect all of the time. And sometimes when you show your imperfections and insecurities through this, you can help people too. If by being vulnerable and honest with my audience, I can help just one or two people to realise they’re not alone, then that is huge. What does it matter if a few people don’t love you, or say horrible things, I guarantee that there’s a lot more who will.
That’s why at first, being visible terrified me. I was scared to put myself out there. And then I started using Facebook Live for videos to connect with my audience. I suddenly gained this nervous blink and I couldn’t stop it. But I felt the fear and did it anyway. I launched my Facebook group, The B Studio, pushing myself out of my comfort zone, and I’ve never looked back.
I’ve become more visible than ever. I use Facebook ads and video to reach a bigger audience, and when I get those nasty comments, they now don’t have the same impact. I don’t hide or think about being back at school. I tell myself the opposite. I’ve done a lot of work on myself in terms of improving my mindset and I now feel stronger, and more confident than ever. I know that for everyone who says something negative, I’ve built an audience of over a thousand on Facebook and over 9,000 on Instagram who are engaging with me, and like what I have to say. Each and every day, I’m helping people just by being me.
I’ve always had a lot of ambition and have to say, if anything, the negative comments only fuel me to do better and help more people. Of course, I’m human, so they can knock me, but they will never stop me. I simply pause, reset and remember why I’m doing this.
By Nicki Louise James
About the author
At 29, Nicki Louise James has achieved more than most people do in a lifetime. As a child she remembers hiding from the bailiffs because of the antics of her ‘wheeler-dealer father’ who was also a violent alcoholic.
Her mum decided to leave him when Nicki was seven and up until the age of 11, Nicki never lived in one place longer than a few months. It meant she found it hard to make and keep friends and in secondary school was called a teacher’s pet and bullied for her looks. But with the support of her beloved Grandma and her Mum, she excelled, becoming the only person in her family to go to University, where she studied graphic design.
On graduation, her artistic and design talents were recognised and by the time she was 27 she had become the Art Editor for Olive magazine. But knowing that something was missing, Nicki launched Betty Lou, a successful wedding stationery brand in memory of her Grandma, who had previously told her she was destined for greater things.
As soon as she was able to match her earnings from the business, Nicki left her 9-5 and the long commute to Hammersmith. Not long afterwards her branding and coaching business B by Nicki was launched. Publicly the B stands for Brand, Business and Beyond. But Nicki also recognises that on a more personal level the B stands for her greatest cheerleader, Betty.
Within two years of launching, Nicki started to earn six figures and is well on her way to triple her income in 2019.
With her desire to help other female business owners excel through their brand and a watertight business strategy, Nicki has won a legion of clients all drawn to her honesty, authenticity and integrity.
She would say she’s nothing special, but Betty disagreed and it’s this that continues to fuel Nicki’s on-going success.