What is Phubbing?
While the term, “phubbing” is relatively new to me, I’ve become more aware of the phenomenon over recent years, as I’m sure you have also. So exactly what is phubbing and how is it affecting you? Phubbing is a combination of the words, “phone” and “snubbing”, and it relates to the modern tendency to immediately and constantly be attentive to the summons of your phone or smart device, affectively giving it your attention and functionally ignoring or “snubbing” the people around you.
Since the invention of the mobile phone, the tendency for us to carry our work and social lives around with us has become more entrenched in our society. We are increasingly reliant on smart devices as sources of information and connection. Unfortunately, too often, we become slaves to the sound of a notification coming in. We feel compelled to check our device. This trend reaches across generations but tends to be more prevalent amongst younger people who have grown up with the technology.
Whether the compulsion has to do with keeping up with work commitments or with social media posts, there is still a perceived pressure to respond and an implied fear of missing out (FOMO).
How does being phubbed affect you?
If you are in conversation with someone, and they turn to talk to another person when you are halfway through what you are saying, it doesn’t feel good. You are likely to feel that you are uninteresting, unimportant, and not respected at the very least. If, instead of talking to another person in the room, they turn their attention to their phone in the midst of your conversation, the effect is much the same.
You form solid, trusting relationships when mutual respect and interest exist. If you feel liked and valued by someone, you feel good about spending time with that person, and it reinforces your own sense of self-worth.
If the people around you constantly seem to prefer the company of their smart devices to a conversation with you, it becomes harder to maintain a positive self-image. The relationship with a phubber is likely to be more superficial and feel much less supportive. If a phubber is your main social support, the continued lack of perceived respect, interest and support could significantly erode your sense of self-worth.
Low self-worth leaves you more vulnerable to negative thoughts, depression, stress, and anxiety. If you are left feeling as though you are not worthy of other people’s attention, then you also run the risk of feeling that people are avoiding you. While it may well be that the opposite is true and you are doing the avoiding, a sense of “I’m not good enough” can lead to you feeling ostracised.
Am I a phubber?
Some of the key signs that you might be a phubber include:
- Making sure your device is always within easy reach.
- Checking notifications as soon as you hear the tone.
- Losing the gist of a conversation because you were distracted by your device.
- Your device receives more immediate attention than do the people around you.
- You constantly check your device for new social media at work or in class.
Three top tips to mindfully avoid phubbing
- Check your phone before entering a social gathering then put it away until you are alone again.
- Set yourself a challenge to make all meals a “No-Phone Zone” – this is good for your digestion and good practice for social events.
- Challenge yourself to only check social media at set times through the day.